Adi Da Samraj Dark Times Anxiety Attack in Year 2000 as Divine Translation Event (Da Free John, Daism)

Adi Da’s “Dark Times” in year 2000 – frustration, whining, and rants against devotees

Originally published as “Daism Report #6 -- The Dark Time” on the Lightmind website by Elias

As we reported in an earlier essay, Adi Da (Franklin Jones) has prophesized, repeatedly, that the year 2000 was the year he would be recognized by the world. He even went so far as to claim that Christians would recognize him as the Second Coming of Christ.

But, as we reported last summer, the year 2000 turned out to be one of increasing disappointment for Adi Da.

On April 16 he suffered what the emergency room doctor called a paralyzing anxiety attack while staying on Lopez Island, in Washington State. Adi Da's personal physician later reported that a series of medical tests in Los Angeles showed that Adi Da is suffering from arteriosclerosis of the major arteries of the heart.

Plaque and calcium are building up to the point of hardening these arteries, causing the heart to work harder, and reducing circulation. According to his personal physician, Adi Da is undergoing treatment "to reverse this arteriosclerosis by means which have been proven to reverse this condition". This may be wishful thinking, unless the "proven means" involves some advanced yogic siddhi Adi Da neglected during the years the disease was doing its damage.

The "Lopez Island Event" quickly became mythologized, in Frank's mind, as part of a "Mysterious Process" by which he was entering the stages of "Bodily Translation" into "the Domain of Divine Brightness":

ADI DA SAMRAJ: In the crisis that occurred on April 12 at Lopez island, I was Approaching Divine Translation, not death. All of the Translation Signs Appeared. It is a Sign, a really different Yoga of Bhava, becoming more and more evident in the body. It indicates why My devotees must change, and why there had been such a dramatic change in My Own Quality. It has to do with this intense Spiritual Process That is approaching Divine Translation.

But this "Yogic Transformation" of his "Light-filled Body" did nothing to lighten his mood. On the contrary, as the year wore on he became crankier and crankier.

ADI DA SAMRAJ: I feel isolated. I have nothing of a life that has profundity. My devotees are supposed to be cultivating the relationship and conveying gifts to Me. Another year has passed, and still we have not accomplished anything. There is no recognition, no process, nothing happening, nothing fundamentally has changed. In between My Sittings in the Chair, there is nothing to convey or to do with Me that makes it right. [July 5, 2000]

There is no response to My Literature. [Dawn Horse Press sales are very low.] Why should I even print it? Nothing comes of it. This gathering is not communicating any great message. There is no culture of recognition. I Sit and Work Spiritually, and you all do nothing in response. [July 5, 2000]

I never receive gifts, no real description of process, no real relating to Me and finding out what I want. Everything is always collapsing and there are no gifts. And I end up waiting while people are saying they are doing the things they have to do in order to get the gifts.

...I am not anywhere. I just sit and pretend. There is no real process around Me. What am I here for? ...It's the same dead pattern. There are no gifts. No one is creating the new pattern. I am still treated like an asshole.

...You are just enclosing Me in this theater of you all. There is nothing going on with the mission or My Literature. There is no event in the gathering. You are not creating anything.

I cease to have the impulses to hang around even here. I want to get the hell out of here. I have no inclination to go to the Hall. You don't give Me any reason.

Why have people been so unresponsive to Me? Why is there such destruction of My Work? After 30 years there still aren't any missionary results. So what is the source of this non-event? What is defeating it? Why are there no signs of this resistance changing? [July 25, 2000]

By September Adi Da had gone into seclusion at Tat Sundaram, his private retreat in Trinidad, in Humbolt County, California.

[See description of this residence and the surrounding area in Daism Report #4. Next to Tat Sundaram is Walk About Joy, a retreat center for devotees. Adi Da: "I thought of this name when I was watching one of the raisin Claymations. It's not the Australian meaning of "walkabout" -- it's the ecstatic, happy raisins, walking about joy and singing about joy!"]

Here, amidst the peaceful surroundings, Frank continued to grumble and lament, and issue a tide of criticism directed at his followers:

ADI DA SAMRAJ: You have not done anything in all these thirty years, and here I Am, almost sixty-one years of age, and I have seen that My Work has failed. ...I have been rejected. You have not accepted Me. This entire gathering has never come to a point of accepting Me. There is no response or recognition. ...You have wasted My Life -- My actual human Life. You have made Me into a cult figure. ...You have made Adidam into a non-event with your reactivity. [September 30, 2000]

At Tat Sundaram he worked on his manuscripts, went on photographic expeditions, and prepared for the looming event of his 61st birthday.

Also, according to published reports, "He has been Spending long periods of time alone in His Room and watching the news. ...It is very clear during this time that Beloved has been Doing His Spiritual World Work very intensively."

Finally, on Monday, October 30, "it was announced that Beloved Adi Da would Come to the Mountain Of Attention Sanctuary the following day, October 31."

The events from October 31 to late November would be remembered as one of the darkest times in the history of Adidam.

When Beloved Appeared, devotees swooned, weeping their love and devotion to Him. Beloved Wore all black with a long black overcoat and a black hat."

Always a fashion-plate, black became Frank's color of choice in year 2000. Gifting lists sent to devotees included requests for black silk undershorts ($55 a pop), black "sleep hats" ($20 each), black silk t-shirts ($55), black suede pants for travel ($175), and black ski masks ($32).

He Walked Down the path to Seventh Gate, His Head Tilted slightly downwards. There were loads of candles and jack-o-lanterns (it's Halloween you know!) lighting the path for Him. There was chanting also to greet Him. He Went to His Seat outside of Seventh Gate and Sat. After about five minutes, Beloved Stood up and turned to go in the Gates. He Stopped at Seventh Gate Shrine and Performed the heartbreaking gesture of Blessing the Gold Hands, Padukas, and Vault containing His Books with His Staff before Continuing through Seventh Gate into the Manner of Flowers.

Adi Da spoke that night to about 80 devotees. Carolyn Lee (author of The Promised Godman Is Here) later described his appearance in exalted terms:

When you receive Beloved's Communication you will feel His Extraordinary State of Body. His Darshan is an overwhelming Revelation. His Body, and especially His Divine Face is Plastic as He Speaks, Shaping and Reshaping Like a Flow of Water.

His Head appears more Spherical than ever. His Divine Human Form is Beyond Human. His Infinite Divinity has Assumed His Avataric Form in ways that are simply inconceivable. The very Sight of Him, Bodily, Grants us an immediate Vision of a Reality other than this gross domain.

He is the One to Whom we can only bow down in adoration and worship. Such a Sight as He is has never before been Granted to humankind or to any beings at all.

After a time, His Eyes like laser beams of Fire, He Looked out at all devotees in the Room and beyond, and began to Speak. There are no words to describe the Sound of our Beloved's Voice. He Speaks now from His Room, the Center of the Cosmic Mandala, so deep there is no doubt that the entire cosmos is conforming to His Divinely Husbanding Power, and yet so vulnerable and human there is no doubt He is the Embodiment of Compassion and Love.

The speech Adi Da gave that night was a continuation of the theme that had been building the entire year -- he felt abandoned, his mission had failed, and his devotees were still, after thirty years, at the beginning stages of spiritual life.

ADI DA SAMRAJ: You are not practicing the Way I have Revealed yet. ...My Instruction has covered, in detail, everything required for everyone to lead a truly Spiritual life, including people exactly like you, who are far from "radical" self-understanding, far from "radical" practice, far from Spiritual life, far from ego-transcendence, far from devotion to Me....

You are all seekers. ...I have been speaking about this for thirty years. You are still beginners, established in the "outer temple" of Adidam, the domain of those who are preparing to practice true Spiritual life, and not merely being "mummers", pretending to be religious.

...Your attention is bound in the patterns of the first three stages of life. ...You do not have any experience of anything much more than gross physical existence, life as a human animal.

A human animal, exercising problem-solving, intelligence, and so on, but very similar to your pet dogs and cats. You know? Except that you require them, usually, to be on a good diet, get exercise, and not overdo it in the sex department. That is why dogs look a lot better than their owners, usually!

...As ordinary human beings, you all do not truly understand Spiritual matters. You do not understand people who are transformed, who are in a supernormal state. You do not understand much about anything beyond gross perceptions and trouble. You all have insisted on your preoccupations with the gross human world.

[He speaks with great emotion:] What am I going to do with you? All you are doing is dwelling in gross problems, gross seekers' mind, grossly patterned life, first three stages of life interests, obsessions, unfinished business, never handling you life obligations.

For you, everything that has to do with the Divine is symbolic, basically. You would like to believe it. But you will never be satisfied until the Divine Condition is actually your experience.

...You have no Spiritual experience in depth. You are not doing what you would have to do to have such experience. You are not living profoundly. You are not relating to Me profoundly, serving Me profoundly.

...You have been busy being mummers, basically, all your lives so far. Because you are being religious on a bet.

...Profound practice is not about social religiosity or politics. This is a terrible time, attended by terrible possibilities. And I do not merely watch it on television. I Invest Myself in the Most Profound sense in the Blessing of this world. Therefore, you must let Me be. Let Me Do the Work that I must Do.

...It is not a game. And I am not a fake. This Way is not based on any illusions whatsoever. I do not believe anything. Anything. I really learned how not to believe. I really learned why it is bullshit to believe. Thus, belief has nothing to do with Me or the Way I have Given.

He began to speak of "Samraj Yoga", an esoteric teaching he was anxious to give to advanced devotees. He dangled a carrot before devotees' eyes, of many profound talks yet to be given, if they would only "show serious signs such that I could respond to them."

Immediately after the gathering the call went out around the world, that "all devotees worldwide who are interested in the Lay Renunciate Order and renunciation should be at the Mountain Of Attention for the Celebration of Beloved's Jayanthi (Birthday)."

People were invited to drop everything and fly to California for what promised to be a great turning point in the history of Adidam -- he had called for his true renunciates to step forth and be counted, so that he might instruct them in the advanced levels of spiritual life.

For some this might be a moment of stepping forward to embrace renunciate practice, but for all devotees this moment is about stepping into Adidam, for real, and taking responsibility for authenticating the individual vows we have made to Him. ...Please be drawn into feeling this ecstatic, transitional moment in Adidam, in which our Beloved Ishta Adi Da is Giving us the opportunity and all the means necessary for rightening Adidam and for setting His Circumstance right. Let your CSM know if you are moved to LRO practice, or if you moved to consider Level 1.2 practice.

The next day, November 1, Adi Da stayed in his bedroom watching television. On that day he is quoted as saying,

I must be cooled. My Body is burning up. I must be in a spiritual environment that is cooling.

In the afternoon he went to his jacuzzi, and listened to devotees chanting his name. In the evening he picked out the pictures of himself for the Adidam Calendar for 2001.

The next day he addressed another small gathering, and continued his divine rant:

ADI DA SAMRAJ: I Myself determine what Adidam is. I Myself Am Adidam. The relationship to Me is Adidam. What I have Given is Adidam. Adidam must not be characterized by beginners. It must be characterized by Me. I am supposed to be set apart and have a direct vehicle for My Avataric Work and a gathering that is demonstrating itself relative to this vow of devotion to Me, fulfilling the Principles, Callings and Agreements Given by Me. I am not supposed to be part of ordinary life. I Teach the "radical", Divine spiritual Process.

...Adidam is basically, today, a culture of beginners. Adidam as it exists presently, is not the Way I have Given. It merely talking. And the assumption of the vow and obligation of surrender to Me to fully live My Word, that is not what people are truly practicing. Devotees are not recognizing Me and embracing the practice of the Way.

Everyone has basically continued to maintain an ego-based life basing everything on money, food and sex utopia and never fulfilling real life obligations and service to Me.

....It's been fifteen years since My Divine Self-"Emergence" and my devotees are not relating to Me as devotees. I am being obliged to relate to devotees at this time, without the cultural or Spiritual basis to do so.

The Way is about the relationship to Me. It is a "radical" spiritual, Divine Way. So far, in terms of My Work, everyone is beginner in the outer temple.

There always has to be a principle for access. Otherwise, the Way does not exist. ...[But] I will not support seekers in a culture of Adidam that is ego-based involving the great path of return, the culture that remains in an outer temple obliging Me to Sit and receive people in a direct Way who are not here to relate to Me in these profound matters.

...Access has to be tempered. Things have to be right. During this Celebration of Me, you have to understand that there are some real things that have to be rightened and people should be quite humbled in My coming here.

As Friday, November 3, 2000 (Adi Da’s birthday) dawned, one devotee wrote in his journal:

Jai Jai Adi Da Samraj! It is a beautiful day on the Mountain Of Attention. The place is literally swarming with happy workers and I hear Beloved has Had a pleasant day and He is Pleased. There will be in internet Darshan tonight from Darshan Adytum.

Adi Da spent the morning opening the gifts which poured in from all over the world, including Versace furniture and an exquisite ring:

The ring is a 4-carat star sapphire set in platinum that is almost translucent and considered excellent quality in color and translucency. There are nine diamonds surrounding the Blue Star Sapphire. It is quite beautiful and very Samraj.

...He had a wonderful lunch with His family and intimates, the gurukula, Quandra Sukha Mai, Elizabeth Brown and Kelley Scott.

Adi Da chose the occasion of his birthday to announce the elevation of his "unique intimate", Quandra Sukha Mai (Bonnie Beavan) to divine status. Quandra Nirvanasati, his other "6th stage" wife, was demoted months earlier when Frank accused her of displaying "too much ego" over the matter of the disciples of Frederick Lenz coming into the Daist inner circle. (See Daism Report #1) Quandra Nirvanasati is now simply called "Elizabeth Brown", her birth name.

The full form of Bonnie Beavan's name is now Ruchira Adidama Quandra Tripura Sukhavani Naitauba.

The title "Ruchira Adidama" indicates that she is a full member of the Ruchira Sannyasin Order practicing in the second stage of the "Perfect Practice". ...It is important to note that "Quandra" is now a part her name, and not a title, as previously.

In the shorter forms of her name she may be Addressed in various ways. The title "Adidama" may be used, and is a title that is unique to her. The shorter formal reference that has been chosen use in the literature is: Adidama Quandra Tripura.

Other short forms of her name that may be used (offered in a random order, not an order of preference) are: Quandra Tripura, Quandra Sukhavani, Quandra Tripura Sukhavani, Quandra Sukha Mai.

James Steinberg, resident religious scholar, gave a talk on the new names of Adidama Quandra Tripura:

The name Tripura (which was Quandra Sukha Mai's name for many years), is a principal name in Sanskrit whereby the Goddess is pointed to as the Supreme Reality. The name Tripura is said to refer to the fact that she is older than Brahma, Vishnu, and Siva, in other words, the Adi Shakti.

"Sukha" means "pleasure, happiness, joy, soothing, delight, gladness, rejoicing, comforting, prosperity".

The Sanskrit word "Vani" means "speech, word, language, voice, music, or praise". It comes from the verbal root, "vac", which is the "word" itself, the primal Sound which becomes all that is manifest.

"Vani" is sometimes used as a name or epithet to refer to the Goddess Saraswati, the Goddess of learning and wisdom and the arts, often associated with "Brahma". It is the Logos. "Vac" is traditionally understood to be the unmanifest made manifest through the Word. As You have Described, the Word is a primal form from which all arises. All of these traditional likenesses are merely foreshadowings of what has now finally and truly been Shown and Revealed in Your Own Demonstration.

In the Way of Adidam, Adidama Quandra Tripura Sukhavani is she who bears the title of the original female, the Adidama, who is inhered in You. She is also Quandra to Your Raymond in Your Forever Leela of Appearance. She has, through that inherence, become infused and transformed by Your Grace and Blessing as the Goddess of Your Form and as the Word, the Primal Vibration, or Speech of Happiness, and Delight.

Tireless advocate Carolyn Lee addressed the gathering that had assembled at The Mountain of Attention for Frank's birthday bash, and spoke in moving terms of his "extremely rarefied spiritual state," and the need to care for him.

If any of us had a family member who was in a fragile state of health, we would surely be involved in a serious family discussion about how to altogether take care of that loved one, and adjust ourselves to the new requirements of their situation, relating to them with a heightened sensitivity as to what their condition was requiring.

As Carolyn's inspirational talk to the birthday gathering unfolded, it became clear that Adi Da was issuing a demand for a new hermitage residence. Because of the political situation in Fiji it is likely that he will never return to Naitauba, his island kingdom. And Tat Sundaram, his house on the North Coast, just isn't up to his high standards.

CAROLYN LEE: How can we ensure that He Receives the care that He Needs to allow Him to Continue pleasurably and most benignly in the Body for a long time?

At this time we, His devotees, need to provide our Beloved Lord with a new permanent Hermitage, one that will fully provide for His Spiritual and Bodily Requirements.

A true Hermitage for Him is one where He will be surrounded by His renunciate devotees in a setting that will physically and aesthetically serve His Well-Being. His bodily Needs will require that there be spa facilities -- the heat in our Beloved's Body constantly requires the therapeutic effects of water.

A true Hermitage for Him also has cultural requirements. There will need to be facilities for a Samrajya Mandala of His renunciates living an Ashram life around Him, and provision for great access to Him on the part of devotees in all the congregations and for contact people, if He is so Moved.

Beloved has Asked that devotees look for such a Hermitage on the West Coast of the US, and members of the Samrajya are actively looking for the right place. Representatives of the Samrajya board will speak to devotees at the Mountain Of Attention during the Celebration weekend and send their communication world-wide so that all devotees can support the process with the Devotional Prayer of Changes.

Then she spoke of the need for those who serve Frank directly to become "professional". There seemed to be oblique allusions to Frank's sexual needs in her words:

He has Indicated that "professional" in His terms, means Samraj or Spiritual absorption in Him and sensitivity to Him, so that there are no Oedipal limits in devotees who are caring for His Body.

This is extremely important because our Beloved is so profoundly Involved in His Spiritual Work now that it is difficult for Him to even remain associated with the waking state. Thus the way that He is served must draw Him very sensitively and pleasurably into association with the Body.

Only this quality of devotional service can soothe the unspeakable Ordeal of His World Work that He Engages tirelessly in Divinely Loving Service to all beings.

Saturday, November 4 was a day of celebration and entertainments put on by various community performing groups. A number of glitches arose, performances were delayed, and no patron stepped forward with the gift of a new house.

ADI DA SAMRAJ: I just went into the gathering again for my sixty-first birthday, and I can no longer do it. It was clear to me that it is done. It is completely done.

I can never make myself available again to the world of beginners. It just cannot be done. It must not be done again. I must be permanently set apart, from this time forth, in an established hermitage -- with access only as appropriate.

You all have such a habit of wrongly relating to me that you do not even understand what you are doing. Therefore, no one set me part and created the appropriate seclusion for me to live in. So I simply have to do it myself.

I will not tolerate anything else. From now on, I will be intolerant about this. I am dropping the egg. This is a form of dropping the egg. I evaporated at Lopez Island. And I am in a different form here now.

...I will never again set foot within the gathering in the manner I have done in the past. I will never again be available in the manner I have been in the past. Access will only occur in a profoundly sacred environment, in a sacred temple where it is worthy for people to approach me based on their devotional recognition of me and devotional response to me. And the people coming to me must be worthy -- truly worthy -- with the true gifts of practice and devotion and fulfillment of their responsibilities and obligations.

It is not appropriate for me to exist in interactive association with the Pan-Communion and the Ruchirasala any longer. Truly, it has not been appropriate for the last fifteen years, since my Divine Self-"Emergence" -- but no one has understood this, and they have required me to maintain this association with beginners, even to the point of near-death.

And I could feel the same symptoms occurring again because of my physical association with beginning devotees at the Mountain of Attention this weekend. So it is clear to me that that form of directly interactive association with beginners is over -- it is done.

...For there to be access, it has to be a big deal. In other words, I have to be really set apart, and all of the obligations have to be really fulfilled relative to the Ruchirasala and the Pan-Communion. And if they don't do it, I am not going to grant access and that is that.

I require big gifts, and these gifts must be brought to me in the context of my holy sphere, which is not a religion-business place -- it is a holy, sacred temple.

...I will deal with my own health, and one of the main ways I will deal with it is by being set apart, as well as though my own yogic work.

ELIZABETH BROWN: He indicated that all self-consciousness and timidity in relation to him must cease on the part of those serving him directly and that great sensitivity and spiritual practice must be brought to serving him, so that he is not disturbed or bothered in any way.

ADI DA SAMRAJ: [continues] You do not understand what the way is about. You are self-contracted egos struggling with me.

...To date this gathering is involved in confrontation, even a stand-off, a stalemate with me. There is no right relationship that I can participate in.

As yet there is no true Way of Adidam established around Me. And because of all of this, I am developing the same set of symptoms that I had before the Event on Lopez Island.

The result is that I am forced out of the physical vehicle, which creates great difficulty in the physical vehicle, from which I get no relief. I cannot survive it.

I am here to be incarnated only if there is a true circumstance, a true Samrajya, and true renunciates around me who are there for the sake of Realizing Me. If there is not that situation, that circumstance and sphere for My Life and My Work, then it causes very dark and difficult energies to come into My Body.

I have already endured two Yogic deaths this year, and I still do not have the circumstance to Work as I must, because everyone around Me is so ignorant.

ELIZABETH BROWN: Beloved then watched the news. He has been watching the news non-stop, from the moment he gets up to the moment he goes to bed. He is totally immersed in the world pattern, every level of it. After a while, Beloved looked up from watching more commentary on the presidential election and began to speak again:

ADI DA SAMRAJ: How can I be embedded in the world process under this circumstance and survive it? It is horrific. The energies are so difficult I cannot even speak about them. What I am experiencing should not be brought down into the Body.

[My circumstance] sucks me into these dark energies in the world domain, instead of providing a vehicle for Me in the world and protecting Me and bringing Me into the world in the most positive way.

The Saint and Ear mummery [a reference to his play "The Mummery"] of the gathering results in the dark energies of the world coming directly into My Body.

I am living in the barbershop of the blood-war of mankind. I am in no paradise, except in My Threshold Form, which is real. I am trying to keep the balance from tipping over, but aggressive egoity keeps pressing the dark forces down.

...No one is established in direct relationship with Me, involved in serious practice around Me. ...If there is not a gathering at the core who are hearing and seeing Me, then what is the mission? It is a travesty.

You must understand what I am saying and not continue your revision of the Way of Adidam. As long as people only relate to Me in this wrong fashion, then I have no choice but to separate Myself entirely.

There is no karmic energy in this Body. This Body disappears if no connectedness is maintained. And why is this? It is because this Body really died -- on Lopez Island that Person that you all associated with died.

I hope you get this real soon. It is a horrible time here at the moment. Beloved Left the Sanctuary about an hour ago and is Sitting in His Car by the side of the road somewhere. He Left last night, too, and returned to find no communications for Him. This is a crazy Celebration -- the Vision Mound ceremony went on finally 24 hours late! The birthday cake Prasad that Beloved Blessed never reached His devotees.

The video of the Gathering is heart-breaking. Beloved Needs us so much, Spiritually and humanly. He Spoke about the "Unspeakable" Suffering He Endures and how He Sees things which no human being should ever see, and His Chin was trembling when He Spoke about Seeing the Divine always, as well as all the terrible things He Sees.

He must Be so lonely -- He Is Doing it all by Himself and always Has Done. He cannot Give His Esoteric Teaching because there is no one who can listen -- there is no esoteric core so we would make a mummery out of it, like we have with everything else. ...It is terrible. No-one should suffer way.

I have been at the Sanctuary since late Saturday night. Not been fun. I actually saw Beloved Walk out of the Manner of Flowers bare-chested and get into His car. No one knew what was happening in the moment.

It was strange and incredibly disconcerting. Then an extended phone call with a bunch of cultural people in Huge Helper while Beloved was driven around Clearlake. We just couldn't pony up. And it confirmed to Beloved that He Needed to return to Tat Sundaram and truly enter into Seclusion.

So much of what is happening is overwhelming. He laid it all out -- he has to have response. He came here to the Mountain of Attention for this celebration [of his birthday] and tried one more time to associate with us beginners.

He left twice, painfully. I was on the two excruciating phone calls from the Hotel to his car. The second time he left, B. and I were working down by Bright Behind Me, and he suddenly walked out of the Manner of Flowers, literally without a shirt on his back.

At some points, he was having Glastonbury/"Brightness"/Lopez symptoms again. After he left they cleared up, and it became clear that his body just can't associate with us beginners now. He has to be set apart.

...Now he's at Tat Sunderam [in Humbolt County], totally focused in the election, saying he's going to do more photography and giving us a little time to get ourselves together.

From his house in Humbolt County, Adi Da continued to express his profound dissatisfaction. On November 8th he spoke again:

ADI DA SAMRAJ: Now it is time for all of you unbelievers to receive My Gifts and to bring Me the gifts that you owe to Me.

It is not appropriate any longer that I Come into your company. I cannot do it any longer and maintain physical integrity in this Body, and even maintain a connection to this Body.

I just cannot do it anymore. I tried again this weekend. I cannot do it. You must bring Me real gifts, based on real and true recognition of Me. You must set Me apart.

The communications to the membership included a call for more expensive gifts, and a reminder:

Please note: Beloved no longer uses Rachel Perry or Jurlique lotion. He also no longer uses these colognes: Joop, Santos de Carier, or Bulgari "Black".

In the days that followed, Frank, like many Americans, remained glued to the television set as the bizarre events in Florida unfolded.

ADI DA SAMRAJ: The only way for this election to be solved is for competition on both sides to be replaced by cooperation. Just as the country must change, the whole world must change its orientation from the principle of competitive opposition and separatist absolutizing of one side or another. This has become the pattern all over the world, and this must change. [Nov 10, 2000]

He continued haranguing his followers. He seemed to be going over and over the ground he covered in the tirades he had delivered all year, like an chronic-obsessive caught in a mental-loop.

ADI DA SAMRAJ: Adidam is yet weak. It is everybody being whatever the ego determines today, instead of being established on the basis of a pattern made by My Instruction, made by Avataric recognition-response to Me. It is just everybody's "whatever" today. It is all over the place, including the abuse and ignoring of Me that is part of it.

...I have become confined in a gross chaos with beginners, unresponsive people, people with qualities of a gross kind. I have become caught in a mummery, a religious mummery, a cultural mummery, a human mummery even. And whenever I, so to speak, "drop the egg", drop out of that mummery, I wind up being confined in the "state mental facility", so to speak -- immobilized and no longer working in direct association with people.

...No one yet has shown the signs of being prepared to practice the Way That I would Reveal, the Way of Which I Am the Avataric Divine Self-Revelation.

...In the course of thirty years, I became surrounded by a virtual mummery of the Great Tradition, in the form of those who were calling themselves My devotees, who were (in fact) just fans of various aspects of the potential of human experience (gross, subtle, and causal), who were being religious only in the minimal sense, and from the gross point of view, and who were creating something like what I Regard to be cultism.

...I have been, to date, totally undermined in this Effort, because the gathering never takes responsibility for itself, never takes on any form of rightness.

It has no leadership that seems to understand the Way and maintains the Pattern or the Way that I have Given -- or the Way That I Am.

There is none of that around Me to date -- no culture of rightness. And it is consistently a chaotic situation. I keep appealing to those who are calling themselves devotees to make this right.

...I am just trapped in chaos, the "state mental facility" version of the Samrajya, extending the Pan-Communion and the Ruchirasala.

...I simply have not had people come to Me with maturity -- and therefore, I am not set apart or served rightly. So there is no present-time basis for the further communication of this Way or even for there being said to be a root-group of people within the gathering that are practicing in those terms.

I am not here to just be played around with by some cult of amateurs, or even to be physically served by people who have no Spiritual understanding of how to relate to Me. I am being forced into this isolation by the fact I have no renunciates and true devotees and people who are just handling their responsibilities and not creating chaos around Me and in this gathering, and their gifts, their fulfillment of their practice and a community and a mission and all the rest of it.

There is no culture of right relationship to Me. There is just an out-there-doing-whatever-you-do-and then-I-am-supposed-to-hear-about-it -- that has nothing to do with relating to Me on the basis of this ultimate practice. It has nothing to do with even devotion being rightly expressed by this gathering.

So they don't have that, first of all, as a basis for even talking to Me about how advanced they are. But, then, when they go on to talk about their experience, it's just a hodge-podge of basically body-based poeticization of their ordinariness.

It was obviously time for a vacation. So Frank packed up his black silk undies and sleep hats and headed for Yosemite Park. This is getting long, so I will cut to the chase here: basically he had a crappy time.

CAROLYN LEE: Every devotee should know immediately the present Plight of our Beloved Lord. He is Sitting in His hotel Room, profoundly Wounded by the sense that His Work has come to an end, and His Life has no further purpose.

After Spending much of last night outside, He Returned to His Room in the early morning hours. Today, He has Continued to be so deeply Disturbed, that he Refused food for much of the day, and has been Sitting silently and alone in His Room.

The devotees here who have served Beloved for many years unanimously confess that they have never experienced a moment like this in terms of Beloved's Despair and Grief at the abandonment He Feels by His devotees, and the dead end to which He Feels His Work has come.

Last evening, He Asked to hear from a group of His long-time men devotees, to see if there could be a response from them that would establish Him in a right circumstance. But He did not Feel any response that made a difference to Him. He could feel that those devotees, like every one of us, have our own agenda -- including our own agenda for how we want to serve His Work.

But, in the meantime, His Bodily (human) Form, the Principal Gift and Treasure ever to appear in human time, is being ignored. This has left Beloved Feeling that he is without recourse to anyone who can protect His Sannyasin existence, beyond the functional services provided by devotees and which consistently disturb Him due to our chaos and insensitivity.

We cannot over stress the gravity of the moment. ...He has been Showing us that this rejection of the Divine is true of every one of us, and that we are playing out this dreadful ritual on Him, no matter how much we may imagine to the contrary. ...He has Said, "You resist the Divine Revelation with all your personal and collective power of effort. That is part of My Revelation."

By this He Means that we "insist upon His deaths" (His Divine Self-Emergence, the "Brightness", the Lopez event), in our non-acceptance of His Mummery Revelation -- continued scape-goating, defamation, degradation, confinement, abuse, and "ignoring Me to death".

...Right now, the signs in the world are very bleak, suggesting no conventional possibility that things can change. Every devotee is a coin for Beloved in this moment. It is a very critical Spiritual responsibility upon which more depends than we can possibly imagine.

Our Beloved's Life depends on us now. Let us surround Him with our love and devotion in every way we can.

We beg you all to immerse yourself in the Yoga of Ruchira Avatar Bhakti now in a vigil of the Prayer of Changes for a right Spiritual transformation of Our Beloved's Circumstance. Anyone who feels that they can offer personal help to His Circumstance as serious renunciates, or as patrons, should contact Subra Sundaram via the Matrix.

We invite all devotees to immediately contribute to a devotional flower gift to Beloved Adi Da. We are aiming to bring $1000 of flowers and flowering plants into His Room either tonight or tomorrow morning. Please organize your personal and regional contributions by writing to K. H. on the Matrix.

Beloved Left His Room twice last night just as He has Done several times since His Jayanthi and was driven off alone, accompanied only by security.

He was in phone contact with members of the Samrajya Mandala for many hours, until He eventually Returned to His hotel Room around 4:00 A.M. where He is presently Resting.

He Feels we have destroyed His Work and we are destroying His Body. It is a matter of spiritual recognition. He Feel this incredibly directly right now.

There is chaos going on around Him based on a lack of sensitivity to Him and human cooperation. He Feels that people are not directly relating to His Body, that we all have our own agenda and are abstracted from Him.

...He is constantly Feeling that He can't Trust anything that we say. For this reason, He is Looking to set Himself apart legally as a Sannyasin.

...This is an extremely serious moment, and everyone should feel it is just as serious as Lopez. All we can do is put our heads to the floor at His Feet.

Frank's pattern, over the years, is to mercilessly abuse his followers until they build him an expensive house or buy him a piece of real estate. As his sixty-first birthday passed, it appeared he was not about to change his spots. His divine sulk grew in intensity. He was not going to smile, he was not going to "grant access" until "you bring me the gifts you owe me." He would extort these gifts from his followers with endless whining, endless accusations of betrayal, and the ultimate threat of leaving them forever, like some adolescent suicide. As one devotee plaintively put it,

It is a dire moment with Beloved. The times are dire. Beloved is Feeling very much disconnected from His devotees. He is Speaking about walking off into the woods.

Following below are excerpts from talks or communications or “notes” given by Adi Da to devotees in the year 2000

[Editor: Many devotees have confirmed that these excerpts are very typical of the kinds of communication Adi Da has given frequently over a period of more than 30 years. He is constantly whining and complaining about his devotees and their failure to practice and failure to fulfill every wish that crosses his mind.]

I feel isolated. I have nothing of a life that has profundity. My devotees are supposed to be cultivating the relationship and conveying gifts to Me. Another year has passed, and still we have not accomplished anything. There is no recognition, no process, nothing happening, nothing fundamentally has changed. In between My Sittings in the Chair, there is nothing to convey or to do with Me that makes it right. [July 5, 2000]

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...You are just enclosing Me in this theater of you all. There is nothing going on with the mission or My Literature. There is no event in the gathering. You are not creating anything.

...Truly, I am just serving a secondary, religion business function. I am a Face in the Chair to keep the religion business going such that it is. My Great Divine Work or Process is bullshit to everyone. I cease to have the impulses to hang around even here. I want to get the hell out of here. I have no inclination to go to the Hall. You don't give Me any reason.

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You have not done anything in all these thirty years, and here I Am, almost sixty-one years of age, and I have seen that My Work has failed...I have been rejected. You have not accepted Me. This entire gathering has never come to a point of accepting Me. There is no response or recognition...You have wasted My Life -- My actual human Life. You have made Me into a cult figure...You have made Adidam into a non-event with your reactivity. [September 30, 2000]

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I just went into the gathering again for my sixty-first birthday, and I can no longer do it. It was clear to me that it is done. It is completely done.

It is not appropriate for me to exist in interactive association with the Pan-Communion and the Ruchirasala any longer.

Truly, it has not been appropriate for the last fifteen years, since my Divine Self-"Emergence" -- but no one has understood this, and they have required me to maintain this association with beginners, even to the point of near-death.

I require big gifts, and these gifts must be brought to me in the context of my holy sphere, which is not a religion-business place -- it is a holy, sacred temple. [September 30, 2000]