Story by Jo, a former devotee, about the early days in Adidam with Adi Da
FROM: Jo
Dear Sri Bob,
I'm not nearly as funny or clever with words as you are. So I'm just going to give it to you straight. You said (edited): Please do speak your mind. What precise experiences/beliefs led you into Adidam? What led you to leave the cult? What did you learn about yourself? What would you tell a friend considering joining Adidam? Thanks -Sri Bob
Of course you have to keep in mind that he wasn't Adi Da when I was drawn in. He was Franklin Jones. He had a little store front Ashram on Melrose Drive in LA, he had a book or two, a small and happy following, and he made no demands.
I wanted to learn how to meditate. Someone gave me his book. It made some sense, but was largely over my head. But there was something happening at the heart that made a lot of sense and I found that irresistible.
I never did "like" the guru as a man. I admired his intelligence, his wit, his amazing spiritual prowess, and his message. It was a simpler more direct message in those days. There wasn't much between you and him to get in the way. Darshan was classic. You came and sat. You either got it or you didn't. If you got it, chances were you stayed. I stayed.
I didn't mind when they started asking for money. That was pretty obvious. If you partake, you pay. No big deal. I swallowed real hard and learned to bow to him when he asked that. And one by one, I took on the additional conditions as sadhana as they were introduced.
There were good times and bad. I learned a lot about myself. I learned more about the traditions. I learned about others. I grew. I changed. So did he.
He grew huge in girth and in demands. His demands grew cranky and belligerent. His teaching alternated between periods of profundity and periods of apparent depression, when things weren't working out according to his desires. When he was depressed (nobody called it that, of course) he tended to go on buying binges, drink heavily, and berate his devotees. His discourses were all dutifully transcribed by a crew of trusted faithfuls. Then they were edited by another crew of faithfuls, who used thick black magic markers to edit out the worst of his tirades, the most abusive of his language. In time, the big black blocks grew large on the pages, till there was less and less that could be read to the assembled aspirants. Because we weren't supposed to know how cranky he was.
The leaders of the community concocted a story about how people weren't ready for his criticism. It was too "fiery". Most people weren't spiritually "mature" enough to handle it. Many of the tapes never made it to our ears. I don't know -- maybe this came from him. It was never completely clear.
Then, sometime in '86 or thereabouts, we got word that he had died. Then come back to life. For our sake. So that the teaching could be realized. Or some such. I had experienced some doubts up to that point, but I was "dealing" with them. But for some reason, his purported death just opened my eyes.
It was just such an old snake oil trick. It was so desperate and cheap. Now I looked back and saw the pattern as it had emerged. What a profound disappointment.
So eventually I left. And I sorted it all out. That took a really long time. Now I feel clear about it all. But no less angry. I think people need to know that all is not what is advertised in this group.
Okay, so what I would say to a friend who wanted to join the group. Oh my gawd. How much time do you have. Basically, its this. He may have been genuine when he started out and there is no doubt that he has genuine gifts. But that man has grown into one very paranoid person with big, big delusions about who and what he is.
Its easy to get drawn into the enthusiasm, the energies, the "love", the sense of being part of something, and to feel that all these things fill up the big hole in your heart, or in your head. Whatever. But anyone who thinks they are going to get "enlightened" here, should think again.
History is full of charismatics who inspired similar effects in people. And they were all just about as enlightened as this one is. Do I have to name them? Oh, not in this post. Time to go now.
Thanks for listening,
Jo